Learning To Lose

   

In a world where every child gets a trophy for showing up at the game, it is very difficult to teach losing. Whenever a team lost color war in camp, the losing team would always chant “It just doesn’t matter!” over the winning teams victory cheers. I figured that was the attitude to have when my husband and I started to play board games with our four year old a few months ago. At first, we would make sure he understood the rules and won the first game or two, but then if either of us won, in came the waterworks and the throwing of pieces and things got a little out of hand. I thought the best approach was to teach the concept of “it’s just a game, it doesn’t matter who wins and who loses”. But the truth is, EVERYTHING matters when you are four years old. (It also backfired a bit when he would not get dressed for school and would say “it doesn’t matter if I get dressed!” Yes little one, it matters, you cannot go to school in pajamas!) So we needed to learn how to approach losing with her son and still teach him to be a true team player.

For those who are curious which games we are playing these days, we have a very nice rotation of UNO, Go Fish, Chutes and Ladders, Candyland, Busytown Eye Found It, Zingo, Connect 4 and Guess Who. Our first challenge was to teach my son he cannot cheat his way across the board (or ask to be dealt three draw fours and a WILD card). You can’t spin the spinner until you get the highest ladder, or the Rainbow Trail and you cannot hide the tiles to prevent others from finishing their Zingo boards. After a few weeks of “I am not playing this game anymore” (which we gladly said we would take a break whenever he needed) he ultimately came around and agreed “you get what you get and you don’t get upset”. For games that are pure chance, like Candyland or Chutes and Ladders, my son learned it really is just the luck of the card or the spin. When it comes to card games, sometimes I have the urge to just let him win but I force myself to not do that too often, because he really does understand that when there are two player games, one person wins and one loses and the same person cannot win every time.

As a person who loves to use books to help my children understand concepts in life, I had a hard time finding a book called “Max Loves Losing”. (To be honest, I didn’t even look for that book.) The books we did use to deal with learning to lose were actually not books about playing games at all, but ones that focused on character’s that have meltdowns. The Pigeon series by Mo Willems and Good Night Owl by Greg Pizzoli really helped my son see how silly it is to “go crazy” over something so primitive. The Pigeon is famous for his epic breakdowns because he can’t do what he wants which was completely relatable to my son and we created an excellent dialogue about how crying and screaming doesn’t get the Pigeon to drive the bus, just like throwing Connect 4 pieces doesn’t help you win the game. Good Night Owl, which has become our #1 bedtime story for the past few weeks is about an Owl who hears a noise and destroys his house trying to find the sound that’s keeping him awake and in the end the Owl is SO CALM despite sleeping without a roof or walls. Owl threw things and made a mess of his house just to learn that what upset him is something he likes, which is similar to the four year old and the board game. In the moment it is sad when you lose, but ultimately you still get enjoyment from playing, a profound idea my son and I were also able to discuss.

No parent likes to see their child upset over anything and I wish I could be that mom that lets her kids win every time they play but I honestly feel that would be doing a disservice to my kids. My children will lose when they play “bigger games” in life. I just hope that as they get older, they will take losing with stride and not be sore winners either, as we also make my son shake hands and say “Good Game” whether he wins or loses. 

  

My Friend Greg

 

As I have mentioned in the past, each minute I spend at the Book Expo is carefully planned out well in advance. In 2014 I was one of the first in line to meet Lemony Snicket.  This gave me an extra 25 minutes which I did not factor into my thoroughly planned day.  I looked up and saw a signing booth with a relatively short line.  When this happens at an autograph booth you can either assume the author isn’t famous (yet) or everyone is waiting for a chance to snag a picture with a really famous actor or actress (spoiler alert: you rarely get a picture WITH them). The booth belonged to Greg Pizzoli, an author I had never heard of. That’s pretty embarrassing for a children’s librarian as he won an award for his first picture book and it is my job to know of all award winners. There were only two people on line so I hopped on and got an autograph of his book Number One Sam. A part of me wanted to autograph it for my brother since his name is Sam but instead I had it made out to my children. I totally regret not taking a picture with him, not just to enhance this blog post but because I feel like he is my friend (even if he just considers me his #1 fan). I told him I thought it was weird that I had never heard of him since he was handing me his second book but I said “I’m going to read your first book” (I didn’t until July of 2015). I DID however, share the story of Number One Sam with everyone I knew because I thought it was adorable. 

A few months later I received a copy of Tricky Vic, Pizzoli’s next picture book which is a fascinating biography of Robert Miller, the famous con man who “sold” the Eiffel Tower. I was blown away by this book. I am not one to read biographies willingly (unless it is written by Mindy Kaling or Tina Fey) but I knew this book was special. Written in typical Pizzoli fashion, he took an interesting, lesser known character in history and told a fascinating story on a level a first or second grader could easily understand. The pictures are fun and interesting and details on the pages were filled with newspaper clippings from the time which I thought made this book amazing. I started to recommend it to everyone I knew who needed Common Core nonfiction ideas and every reluctant reader I could think of. Then I decided to take a leap and email Mr. Pizzoli and let him know just how much I loved his book. When I would write fan mail back in 1996 with my friends we never heard back from them (ever). Luckily, in 2015 there are really easy ways to track down famous people and stalk them on Twitter. I was so excited when I got a response from Mr. Pizzoli himself and not a publicist.

I then received a copy of his next title, Templeton Gets His Wish and decided it would be fun to send another email to Mr. Pizzoli about how much my children loved reading the book with me. When I got another response I knew I had a good thing going and I probably shouldn’t mess it up. At this point, summer had just started and my kids were eating watermelon all the time so I finally read and shared Mr. Pizzoli’s award winning debut picture book, The Watermelon Seed with my children. I am pretty sure I should have read it to them sooner - they are obsessed with it and I read it about 10 times a day. I obviously had to share that with my friend Mr. Pizzoli via email because I have never seen my kids laugh as hard as they did when I read this book to them.

Greg Pizzoli really understands his young audience and they really appreciate him. My children have a great relationship with Pizzoli’s characters, and I don’t mind reading about crocodiles or Templeton or Sam multiple times a day. I know that when my children are a little older, they will also get to know Tricky Vic.

A Brief Summary of Greg Pizzoli’s picture books that were not detailed above:

The Watermelon Seed –

An adorable story of a crocodile who loves watermelon and accidentally swallows a seed. Yep, everyone’s biggest melon nightmare is his reality and it is the perfect summer read aloud (and all year long). My kids have been telling me things are growing in their guts for months now and it never gets old. I especially love that he only uses four colors (red, green, black and white). The simple images really capture the tone of the text and compliment it beautifully.

Number One Sam –

Sam is the number one racecar driver until he loses a race. This charming story about how Sam makes his way back to the top is extremely relatable to children learning that you don’t always have to win the game to be the best player on the team.

Templeton Gets His Wish –

Templeton is the oldest of four cats and he is tired of his parents bossing him around and his siblings taking his toys so he wishes them away. Once he realizes that sometimes you need a little guidance from your parents and it is nice to have siblings to play with he makes a new wish and with it comes a new attitude. At first I really didn’t think my two and four year old would understand this story but they did and my son even pointed out that even though sometimes you get angry at your family members you really still love them no matter what. That is pretty impressive for a four year old, but I think he really appreciated the story because of how it was presented.

Now you know all about my friendship with Greg Pizzoli. Share his stories with your little ones and then email him all about your personal experience.